“I try, in church, to say the creed, even though I usually have stop after two words. Yet I can say those two. I believe. After that, the list gets too particular. I need more information and I have a lot of questions. I can’t stand and swear to the details, have had trouble with them since I was twelve. Nevertheless, credo. That much won’t satisfy a church, but it’s a start. I can say it without a shred of doubt.” ( Josephine Humphreys in Incarnation: Contemporary Writers on the New Testament ed. by Alfred Corn, Penquin Books ©1990)
Today I took four boxes of books to Andover-Newton for their book sale in after Christmas. Six other boxes are packed ready to go to the Theological Book Network in Grand Rapids MI. There are four boxes packed of those I’m taking home and not all that fall in that category are packed yet. Going through my library accumulated over 40+ years has reminded me of the evolution of my own thought over my 65 years and the teachers and authors who have been influential on that journey.
One of the books that I leafed through was one that contained the above quote. It reminded me that when the creed was said in various worship services I attended when I was young I would only say the parts I thought I believed and just remained silent for the rest. All through my life, my faith has changed. Sometimes I have believed certain things about God or Jesus or the Church, and other times I have not. That may sound shocking to those who believe that clergy have their faith all figured out once and for all. After all we are supposed to sound like we know what it is all about on Sunday mornings! What is different about clergy is that we have been educated in the history and traditions of the faith through the centuries. What is not different is the struggle to have faith and to know what we “believe.” It is only our education and training that separates us from the people in the pew.
What I have always tried to do is to teach the basics of the Christian faith without saying that you MUST believe every word of the Bible or the various creeds to be a faithful person or a person of faith. What has been important to me in my life is faith as a journey and not a destination. What has been discouraging is how few people in the pew take the quest for faith very seriously. How few are willing to engage in Bible study or theological study. It is not surprising then that as adults there are those who either dismiss the claims of faith without serious engagement or continue to have an eight- year-old’s understanding of God that does not stand up well to the difficult problems and issues of adult life.
While I’m giving up most of my professional library, my quest to understand the depths of the Christian faith will go on. I will buy some new books and may actually read a few that have sat around unread on my shelves for a long time. I look forward to continuing to articulate in some way what I have come to believe even as those beliefs continue to evolve.
